Blame it on the alcohol
by FrankieQuinn13
Summary: After failing to resist a certain bow and arrow weilding S.H.I.E.L.D agent Rhodey experiences a very interesting morning after. Rated M for very mild sexual descriptions, slash Clint/Rhodey


**A/N: My very first Avengers fic!**

**Warning: very brief very mild descriptions of sexual activities and a lot of cursing from Rhodey's highly embarrassed mind.**

**Ok so like, this story makes no damn sense even I can admit to that. Not the plot or the story itself just the pairings. I mean, usually I love writing crack pairings they're a lot of fun to do. But for the life of me I just can't see this ever actually happening.**

**Like ever.**

**I used Clint/Rhodey for the first part but the other ?/Rhodey pairing is the one I have serious doubts about.**

**To me it really doesn't make sense for Rhodey to end up with any guy besides Tony or maybe (and that's like a huge maybe) Bruce.**

**Seriously, it makes no sense for any of this to happen to Rhodey which is why I do admit to making him a bit OOC, but it works for the story I think. The only reason I wrote this is cause I was tired of reading all these top Rhodey slash fics. I mean I get it, it totally makes sense for Rhodey to be a top and it doesn't really make any sense for him to be a bottom. But I really wanted to see if I could write a bottom Rhodey and now I realise that the pairing I used doesn't make any DAMN SENSE!**

**But give it a read and tell me what you think.**

**Apologies spelling, grammar and OOCness.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the avengers universe or claim the right to any of its characters.**

Rhodey groaned as he turned around in the confines of the warm bed.

He could feel a bright burning light against his eyelids, making him frown in confusion for a moment as he tried to figure out exactly why his curtains were open when he noticed something off.

The bed felt much warmer than it normally did when his solitary heat was warming it and there seemed to be a lot less space in the bed as well since he could feel a hard lumpy shape pressing against his back.

James slowly tried to open his eyes letting out another groan at the pounding ache in the back of his head, before lifting his hand to shield against the bright light in the room. He tried to think back to exactly why his head felt like it was being swarmed with HAMMER drones when it hit him with one powerful throb and he groaned again.

That man-child he called a best friend forced him to go to yet another party.

Thankfully this one wasn't like all the other flashy media frenzy party's that Tony usually had. It was a monthly get together for the Avengers, so it was reasonably low key with only the avengers and a few extra S.H.I.E.L.D agents in attendance as well.

Rhodey hadn't really wanted to go, since he wasn't all that familiar with the team despite all the other parties he's been forced to go to but Tony had insisted although James is pretty sure this was just another one of his best friends attempts at recruiting him, which he still wasn't willing to do.

But he went anyway, if only to get Tony to stop calling him at two am whining about his eternally broken heart and how Rhodey was a terrible friend for putting him through all that pain.

From what he remembers everything started fine enough.

He spent most of his time with Tony and Pepper and did all he could to stay far away from Clint and Natasha.

Not that he didn't like agent Romanov, because he liked her well enough. It's Clint he wanted to stay away from

Rhodey had learned fairly early on, that consuming alcohol in Clint's presence was not a good idea.

Whether James wanted to admit it or not, fact of the matter is that he found Clint Barton to be very attractive. Incredibly attractive. Too attractive, in fact. Rhodey wasn't sure what it was about Clint that always made him seem so...

Hot.

Maybe it was his eyes or that cheeky smirk he always wore when arguing with Tony, or his eyes, or that insufferable tone in his voice that was oddly endearing when he makes a less than funny crude joke or maybe it was his eyes.

Whatever it was, James Rhodes was not happy for it being there. It took an enormous amount of self control to not turn into a steaming pile of nerves in front of Barton when he was standing too close, with those bright blue eyes staring right through him. Really, if ever there was a time for James to be grateful for all his military training this was it.

Of course with Clint being a master archer, he still noticed. He saw how James would suddenly tense more than normal when he stood beside him and how there always seemed to be a slight delay in his responses whenever Clint asked him something as opposed to everybody else. So Barton made sure to use this knowledge to his advantage.

It started during yet another avengers party about three months ago. Pepper had taken Tony to bed after he insisted on drinking some mysterious asguardian liquor that Thor had brought along with him, which managed to get _'the' _Tony Stark completely slashed after just one sip.

The party winded down pretty quickly after that. Bruce left first, not really being the party type in the first place and decided to check on some software he'd had updating for the passed hour.

Bruce gave Rhodey a brief smile as he went up to his lab which the colonel returned. It never ceased to amaze the others how well James and Bruce seemed to get along, despite the military's history with the Hulk. But somehow Bruce and James actually got along pretty well from the moment they met.

Thor left next, then Steve and then Natasha excused herself saying something about a mission she was set to go on in the morning. James was about to leave as well, when Clint suddenly shoved a glass of bourbon in his hand and asked him to stay for a while.

Naturally Rhodey hadn't wanted to stay since he was very aware of the fact that the only people left was himself and Clint and he really didn't want to be alone with that man, somehow Rhodey just knew that something would happen if he was alone with Clint for too long and he really didn't want to know what that something was. But he didn't want to seem rude either and he certainly didn't want Clint to know exactly what kind of effect he had on him so he agreed to stay for just one drink.

Two bottles of premium brand bourbon later, which Clint clearly stole from Tony's private stash, Rhodey was trying his hardest to keep his heart steady and his breathing under control while Clint rid them of their clothes and proceeded to grind into him.

It was horrifying.

Rhodey was absolutely mortified at all the things that Clint actually managed to force him to say, making him beg and plead like a bitch in heat.

James had wanted to crawl into a hole and die when he woke in one of the spare room at Stark tower the next morning. Needless to say, the colonel had promised himself to never let himself end up in that situation again and he was adamant in avoiding agent Barton like the plague.

Until the next party, in which Clint stole from Tony's infinite vodka supply and James Rhodes found himself in the exact same position that he was in just a few weeks before. Drunk, in an unmarked room with a S.H.I.E.L.D agent ploughing him into a bed. And then at the next party again which consisted of Clint, a few bottles of absinthe and, surprisingly enough, the indoor pool Tony kept on one of the lower floors.

It was really getting on his nerves.

He's too old to go around screwing a guy he barely knows like some horny teenager.

He tried to stay away from Barton he really did and when he couldn't he'd even used sarcasm and deadly threats of severe bodily harm, but it never worked. Clint would just laugh in that deep voice of his and give some clever little quip in return, claiming innocence and nothing but pure intentions only for him to take advantage of James in some obscure corner of Stark Tower two hours later.

And the night before had been pretty much the same, except for the fact that Clint seemed a little more eager to start than he had been the previous few times, as he'd managed to encourage about half a bottle of whiskey into the colonel during the party. The archer had been incredibly persistent in keeping some kind of physical contact with Rhodey during the party and had practically started grinding him into a wall, purring one dirty fantasy after another against his ear by the time it was nine o'clock.

Rhodey had tried to keep his composure, but by the time the clock chimed ten. James' body was practically screaming for release from all the tension that Clint had created.

As to what happened next, Rhodey wasn't exactly sure.

He remembers pulling Clint along with him into a room and he remembers fumbling hands and pulling at clothes in the dark when Barton's S.H.I.E.L.D communicator went off and the archer gave him an earth shattering kiss before excusing himself to answer.

Things sorta get a little blurry from there.

The door opened and closed, before it opened again a few moments later as a figure stepped inside. He remembers a deep familiar voice, a question was asked, but Rhodey was too drunk and way too horny to care what that question was. He remembers moving a bit unsteadily, pulling at an odd piece of clothing and crushing his lips against a startled and shocked mouth.

Everything else from that point is a blur of hands and lips and one of the most intense climaxes he's had in his entire life.

The colonel took a deep breath as he forced his eyes open, squinting a bit as he waited for them to stop blurring and frowned when they finally did as he realised that he wasn't in his room.

James wished he could kick himself for letting Clint get to yet again, unfortunately even if he could kick himself James is pretty sure it would hurt a lot more than usual if that throbbing pain in his lower back was anything to go by.

God, he's such an idiot.

An alcoholic sexually frustrated idiot.

James almost whined at his inability to resist that damn archer when the bed suddenly shifted beside him and a large arm fell over his waist.

Rhodey had looked down and stared at the appendage for a moment as his hungover mind slowly tried to get a grasp on the current events when he caught sight of the silver jewel encrusted ring on the arms middle finger and he immediately shot up from the bed, causing pain to throb viciously in his head while his stomach gave a hazardous turn and the ache in his pelvis got worse due to the pressure.

James hissed at his aching body as he lifted a hand to clutch his head while the other carefully braced him on the bed to ease some of the pain in his lower back.

After taking a few moments to try and relax Rhodey looked down at the arm that had slipped down to his lap and followed the large tanned appendage right up to its owner and James wanted to die when he realised it wasn't Clint.

Suddenly all those blurry memories came back to him all at once and Rhodey was hit with the most excruciating headache of his entire life.

Oh it would have been so much better if he couldn't remember.

Unfortunately he did.

The door opened and the blonde stepped inside. The man had frowned at James when he saw him laying on the bed in the dark wearing very little clothes. He had walked further into the room asking if anything was wrong and if there was anything that James needed help with in that incredibly sincere voice of his while his eyes glowed with concern.

Again, Rhodey didn't particularly care about the other's concern, just that he really really needed to get some release and since he had so kindly offered his help, the colonel's alcohol riddled mind saw nothing wrong with jumping the man and propositioning him for a quick ride.

God, he's such a stupid stupid stupid idiot!

Why did he listen to Clint, why did he even go to the party in the first place?! So what if Tony would have been disappointed? So what if that spoiled man-brat whined in his ear for days because he'd let him down.

Its nothing he hasn't had to deal with before.

If he'd just listened to his gut and avoided the damn party in the first place he wouldn't be experiencing the morning after with,

Thor.

Why couldn't it have been someone else? Anyone else! Steve or maybe Bruce. Not Tony because that would just be weird for everyone, except Tony. Why did it have to be Thor?

The damn nors god of thunder and lighting.

My fucking god he screwed up big time!

Not that Thor was that bad of a partner to wake up with, because he clearly raked a ten on the scales of any man he's ever met.

But that doesn't change the fact that it was Thor.

Thor was always so kind and polite and gentle and so damn naïve. He was a good guy, a hero that left his home to protect another world. He was all righteous and responsible, un-tainted by the impure world he so readily protected.

I mean, was Thor even aware of what he was doing when he'd done it last night? Did he now think that jumping strange men in dark abandoned rooms is what people do on earth?

Now that Rhodey thinks about it he does remember taking charge during the little escapade the night before.

Does it count as rape, if you're technically the one being fucked?

The colonel tried to search through his mind and thought through all of those law books he's read over the years and his eyes went wide.

Oh, shit it does!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck!

Damn Tony! Damn Clint and his fucking bright blue eyes!

Screw them all to hell!

Oh hell, Rhodey could already see the headlines.

THOR FINDS THE RHODE TO HEAVEN!

Or...

WAR MACHINE STEALS LIGHTING GOD'S THUNDER!

Or...

MILITARY COLONEL TAKES THE HAMMER OUT FOR A SPIN!

Or even worse...

USA TAKES ASGARDIAN VIRTUE!

Oh he is so screwed.

James tried to take a deep breath as he prayed that he hadn't said anything too traumatising last night. He'd never be able to live it down if he'd actually said any of the things he usually says to Clint whenever they had sex to Thor.

A low groan came from the body beside him and Rhodey instantly tensed.

Thor moved in his sleep with his arm tightening around Rhodey's waist and pulling him closer before letting out a moan as his eyelids began to twitch and clench until they finally pried themselves open.

James silently cursed himself for not getting up and out of the room when he still had the chance. Sure it was a cowardly move to pull but at least then he would have had time to pull himself together and prepare for the awkward morning after talk he was about to have with the king of Asguard.

The colonel swallowed the lump in his throat while his heart started pounding against his chest as Thor's blurry brown eyes slowly opened.

Well at least doing it now means it'll be over and done with and Rhodey can go wallow in shame for a few months once its over.

Thor's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he stared up at the other man until the crease on his forehead released and a look of no real meaning settled on his face.

"James, good morning."

"Uh yeah, morning."

The asguardian's eyes slowly cleared but he stayed still as he stared up at Rhodey causing a moment of tense silence to pass between them until Thor suddenly blinked before giving a wide yawn and James suddenly realised that Thor had called him by his first name. Strange considering the fact that the other usually referred to him as Colonel Rhodes or War Machine.

"What is the time?" The blonde asked as he shifted in the bed so he could bring his other arm up to rub the last amount of sleep from his eyes, while his arm stayed wrapped around Rhodey's waist. Making James flush a little as he was pulled closer, but he still looked up at the watch hanging on the wall.

"It's, uhm, it's almost ten."

"Good." Thor said with a small smile, "That's means there is still time to attend lady Potts' brunch. I must say I do not understand why there is such a great importance placed on a meal but I would not want to offend any Midguardian customs-"

"Thor."

"Yes, James."

"We're in a bed right now." Rhodey said carefully as he watched the man lying beside him that stared at him as if there's nothing even remotely strange about the situation.

"Yes we are."

"And we're both...naked."

Thor just gave a nod as he stared back at the other, "I am aware of that."

"Are you aware of what happened last night?" Rhodey coaxed again and Thor frowned at him with a slight tilt against the pillow underneath his head, causing a feeling of dread to course through the War Machine's veins.

Oh shit.

What if Thor didn't understand what happened last night? What if he really didn't know what he was doing? Rhodey wasn't even sure if sex was an actual thing in Asguard.

Oh fuck!

"I am."

"O.K let me rephrase." Rhodey started as he continued to rub his throbbing head which was thankfully less painful as long as he didn't move around too much. "Do you understand what happened last night?"

Thor's frown deepened and he moved so he was propped up on his free arm, "I'm not sure I understand what you're referring to."

James took a deep breath as he steeled his nerves together for what would probably be the most awkward morning after in the history of morning afters.

"Last night, when you came in here, I... We-"

"We had sex." Thor finished calmly causing Rhodey to stare at him with wide eyes and the thunder god moved a bit on the bed, causing the sheets around his chest to slip down to his waist. "Do you refer to it in some other way in Midguard?"

Rhodey blinked, "No. No, no we call it _sex _here too."

"Oh." Thor said as he gave a nod before staring back at the shell shocked man beside him, "James is there something wrong? You seem tense."

"No, I-"

Thor's eyes suddenly widened and he lowered his voice as he spoke carefully, "Was this your first time?"

James flushed and was never more grateful that his skin was too dark for it to be visible. "What- No of course not!"

"I meant your first time with another man."

James shifted a bit uncomfortably, "No."

Thor seemed to relax as he let out a subtle sigh of relief until he looked back at Rhodey with a look of confusion. "Well if this wasn't your first time then why do you seem so uncomfortable?"

"Why do I-" Rhodey choked on his words as he gave the man a look of disbelief, briefly wondering if he just stepped into the twilight zone while his left eye resisted the urge to twitch. "Thor, we had sex last night."

"Yes we did."

"Right after I jumped you."

"Jumped me?" Thor frowned in confusion, "I'm sorry but I don't understand the reference."

Rhodey sighed, "It refers to me practically forcing myself on you last night."

"Forcing? I hardly believe that you forced yourself on me James."

"You don't?"

"Of course not, I was more than capable of refusing your advances had I wanted to."

James frowned, "So why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't want to." Thor shrugged as he shifted his propped arm so he was a bit more comfortable while James continued stare and the asguardian gave a confused smile, "Why does this embarrass you?"

"It doesn't-... I'm not-" Rhodey stopped when the blonde arched a brow in question and he took a deep breath before he asked, "I just-... How can you be so comfortable with this?"

"Is there a reason for me not to be?"

"Yes!"

"And what reason is that?"

"You-" Rhodey stopped as he tried to think of a way to try and express all the different levels of wrong this situation fell in but for the first time in years the words failed to come to him. This whole thing was just so unacceptable it wasn't even funny, but for the life of him Rhodey didn't know how to explain it.

The military man was still deep in thought when Thor suddenly spoke, "Are you concerned with what the other avengers might think?"

Rhodey gave a snort, "No."

"Then what is it?"

"The problem is that I got drunk and behaved completely inappropriately that's what the problem is."

"Inappropriate, is it not allowed for two men to engage in sexual relations in Midguard?"

"No, it's allowed." Rhodey said feeling a bit irritated that he couldn't get his point across and this damn asguardian was acting so casual about it all. "My point is that I crossed a line that shouldn't have been crossed."

"Ah, so that's what it is." Thor said as he leaned back a bit with an understanding smile. "You are worried that you've broken some unspoken rule. Stark was right, you are quite obsessive, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"As far as I am aware of, I had no rule barring me from sleeping with you James. Nor do I have a reason to establish such a law." Thor said with a slight shrug, "You are too concerned with what is right and what is wrong, but how can you be sure that what happened last night wasn't right?"

Rhodey paused before he spoke, "Well I was drunk for one thing."

"Were you aware of what you were doing at the time?"

"Yes, but my judgement was still impaired."

"Fair enough, but can you honestly tell me that you regret what we did last night?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because-"

"It was wrong?" Thor finished with an amused smile that made Rhodey glare at him before the blonde gave a brief chuckle.

"I'm glad you find this so amusing." Rhodey growled while Thor just smiled up at him.

"I find it incredibly amusing actually."

"And why's that?"

"If there's one thing I've learnt in my time here on Midguard, it's that sometimes the lines between right and wrong are blurred. Other than set laws and decrees, the difference between right and wrong is really at the mercy of ones own prejudice. A clear example in the fact that you find this situation unacceptable while I see absolutely nothing wrong with it." Thor explained before he moved closer to Rhodey, tightening his grip on the other's waist as he leaned up to press a kiss against his lips. "There's nothing wrong with what we did, James. It was done under slightly impaired judgement yes, but it wasn't wrong."

Rhodey sat still and refrained the urge to lean into the kiss before the other pulled back to stare at him, "So you're, just fine with all of this?"

"Yes."

"And you don't find any of it even a little bit strange?"

"No-... Well, I must say I wasn't aware that one could use their mouth's in such a manner without choking or needing to breathe for such a long time. I'm actually quite impressed with your abilities."

He thought Clint was just teasing him when he told him he didn't have a gag reflex, of course he never particularly remembered when he went down on him so he couldn't be sure-

James groaned when he realised exactly where his train of thought was heading and he lowered his head in shame.

Oh dear lord, he's a cock slut.

Thor let out a thunderous laugh as Rhodey continued to stew in his own shame.

"You really have no reason to be so embarrassed. Last night was quite enjoyable in fact," Thor leaned up again as he spoke against Rhodey's lips, "I would not mind another attempt, if you are completely willing this time of course."

James opened his mouth to speak when Thor pressed their lips together once again and pulled the other's body against his own. Rhodey let out a grunt of surprise and pain as his pelvis sparked another ache as he was moved and he braced his hand on Thor's chest so he could push the man away and tell him that he really wouldn't be able to survive another round so soon when the door suddenly opened.

"Hey James, I'm so sorry I-"

The two on the bed pulled apart and Rhodey looked up to find Clint standing in the doorway with his jaw hanging open and his eyes wide with shock.

"What the-..."

"Barton, back from your mission so soon?" Thor said seemingly oblivious to the air that had suddenly formed in the room. Clint had spared the asguardian one more look before he looked up at Rhodey and glared.

"What the hell is this?!"

James had stared back at the archer in shock until he just let out a sigh and gave a mental shrug.

When in doubt, blame it on the alcohol.

"This?"

"Yes!"

"Three bottles of Macallan."

**The End**

**A/N: and yet even after I finished writing it, I honestly just can't see Rhodey and Thor ever happening like... AT ALL.**

**Again I just wanted to write a bottom Rhodey fic so I did, which doesn't make a lot of sense either.**

**It's completely illogical, but hey that's crack.**

**I don't really expect to get any reviews but I'd love to get a few opinions on this. Maybe if I get a few good arguments, I might be persuaded to write a sequel.**

**So, review if you wanna**


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